Within the last few days, I ran across an article about a study that gave proof that children who were breast fed had a stronger chance of success in high school and college.But you know there is a mother out there somewhere who will take that to mean she should breast feed her child until the child is 24 years old.Sunday marks yet another Father’s Day. That’s right, another day to ignore dad just like the other 364 days of the year. I am a father of four, which is undeniable proof I am four times more qualified to make statements on parenthood than a newbie daddy.So in honor of Father’s Day, I would like to provide novice fathers and soon-to-be fathers with what I have learned during my time on this earth. To keep my advice easy to remember as all of us get older, I have chosen to better explain well-known proverbs and I kept them mostly in alphabetical order for quick references.A fool and his money are soon parted: In this economy, you don’t have to be a fool to lose your money, but any loose change you do have will be taken from you by your kids.A good beginning makes a good ending: Whoever came up with this one hasn’t watched some of the baseball, basketball and football games I’ve seen.A good man is hard to find: But a bad woman is impossible to lose no matter how many times you run away.A new broom sweeps clean: Only if someone pushes it.A penny saved is a penny earned: A penny is about all you can afford to save these days.A person is known by the company he keeps: What if that company lays him off?A woman’s work is never done: This is true for some women because they never started their work in the first place.All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy: That may be correct, but I betcha he is happy to be dull and employed.Beggars can’t be choosers: Beggars, however, can be very annoying.Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt: If only some fathers had gotten this memo.Don’t burn your bridges behind you: Arson charges are no joking matter.Don’t count your chickens before they are hatched: But if you work at McDonald’s make sure you can count out McNuggets in servings of four, six, 10 and 20 pieces. If toes are necessary to reach the higher totals, I don’t want to know about it.Don’t cry over spilt milk: Have you seen the price of milk? I even cry when my children fill their cereal bowls to the top and don’t finish off their milk.Don’t put new wine into old bottles: Now if you own a wine shop, you might be tempted to disobey this one to make a few extra dollars.Enough is enough: Something said repeatedly to a daughter and son arguing.Finders keepers, losers weepers: If you are the finder of a soiled baby diaper, you are a loser too.God helps those who help themselves: Allowing your blossoming daughter to wear three strategically placed pieces of fishing line as a dress on prom night and praying to God that she doesn’t get pregnant isn’t fulfilling your responsibilities.Haste makes waste: Children who don’t understand the concept of trash cans leave waste all over the house.If at first you don’t succeed try, try and try again: This rule should be tossed by the wayside if you are attempting to burglarize a residence.It’s never too late: Unless you are dead.Keep your chin up: Very valuable information when shaving your neck.Life begins at 40: Makes sense. Babies come into existence kind of wrinkly and 40-year-olds also are kind of wrinkly.Love is blind: It also can be deaf, comatose, handicapped and mentally challenged.Money doesn’t grow on trees: That’s right, but cash crops like marijuana can grow on plants that rival the height of trees.Money talks: And you probably won’t like it when it snickers and gossips about you.Necessity is the mother of invention: Necessity also is the father of inventive excuses to get out of trouble with the wife.Never judge a book by its cover: But if you are a father, it is perfectly within your rights to judge your daughter’s date on an initial appearance.Oil and water don’t mix: And when you don’t force your sons to take a shower, their oily hair doesn’t mix with shampoo.Opportunity only knocks once: Misfortune, however, not only knocks, it rings the doorbell over and over and over again.The darkest hour is just before the dawn: Buy yourself a heavy-duty flashlight with a rechargeable battery.The early bird catches the worm: The late bird beats the crud out of the early bird and takes the worm.The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach: This could get really messy and then you find out that some men actually don’t have a heart.There’s always more fish in the sea: And, as far as your children know, they all are called “chicken.”There’s more than one way to skin a cat: Calm down PETA. It is just a proverb.Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it: That’s why some high school seniors are in classrooms with sophomores.Tomorrow never comes: That’s why some pubs put on their display signs “Free beer tomorrow.”Too many cooks spoil the broth: The reason the broth is too salty at family get-togethers where wives question the other wives’ cooking ability.Two heads are better then one: Unless they share one brain.Two wrongs don’t make a right: But four rights make a square.You can’t teach an old dog new tricks: You can teach the dog the tricks, but the old guy can’t perform them.Like father, like son: Oh I hope my son does better in life than that. 

Enoch Autry is the publisher-editor of the Sylvania Telephone.