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Main Street rattler evicted from Sylvania

This is a story about a snake in the grass.
No, it isn’t about a politician or your former significant other. It is about a real snake in real grass – well, at least it used to be in the grass.
Mere inches from the aforementioned grass we – I and associates – recently found a living and slithering 4-foot rattlesnake with 17 rattles on it in the roadway in front of my house. Oh yeah, did I mention that my residence is on Main Street and just a minimal shout out to downtown Sylvania.
Want to know how freaky it was to see a poisonous snake of any size on Main Street? Well, two different motorists that I saw from my front yard drove up to the scaly scoundrel and actually backed their vehicles up. They did and apparently would not run over the snake with their multi-ton automobiles.
It isn’t every day you see two motor vehicles within minutes of each other go faster on Main Street in the “R” position than the “D.”
This is once again more evidence that our seemingly hour-and-half long winter season plus the recent rainfall that I measured to be the volume of water in the Mississippi River has goofed up our ecology. Yes, my humble abode’s yard has had deer, foxes, rabbits, and frogs (lots and lots of frogs) join up with the traditional wandering cats and dogs.
Additionally, we like all the rest of you, have our fair share of mosquitoes – ours of the pesky gnat-like variety but I know plenty of you have been blitzed with those B-17 versions. I am sure those larger winged warrior types will visit Casa Autry regrettably soon.
 And we even have the occasional snake, but not the rattlesnake variety. Maybe a green one or a black one, but one with a girl’s best friend pattern style affixed on its scales.    
Now look I am not deeming the 4-footer who came for a visit at my place as the baddest mamma jamma around. I still remember the Telephone reporting the 7-footer that was sighted and then killed down in the Cooperville community. Yep, that was the same big un that popped up on various sites on the Internet, including Facebook, as being a tax-paying resident from a city in Texas. While it is true, as legend is told, that everything is bigger in Texas, that certain snake scared the heebie gebbies out of residents from our neck of the world.
It isn’t even as big as the snake Roy Stills is hoisting on the page to the right. But to be near downtown it is rather sizable.
So what – other than really watching where you step when you are walking through your yard – can we ascertain from all of this talk about critters that creep along at ground and even air level?
Zombie apocalypse? Probably not.
The wildlife is coming out of the woodwork and every other pore looking for those jobs that the Obama Administration says has been created. Possibly.
Who knows, but there are more critters out there to see or be seen.
My suggestion – wear knight’s armor to keep the outdoorsy villains away from your skin. Yes, you will fill like a sardine in a can and look extremely silly, but you will be safe.
It worked in medieval times. It assuredly work today.
Right?

Enoch Autry is the publisher-editor of the Sylvania Telephone.