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Don’t get knotted up, here’s some NOTs

Six days into the new year hopefully most of you have, thus far, stuck to your resolutions like lose weight, don’t kick the bumper on your ole broken-down car as much, and learn a foreign language like Tibetan.
In my drives about the county, I have seen double the number of joggers I saw in 2010. That is right. I have seen two and in all probability the second jogger was the same person as the first just on different day.
I wish each of you the best with your resolutions and your life in general in 2011, but that isn’t the reason I write today. Nope, I have an agenda. While prognosticators far and wide are willing to predict what will occur in 2011, I take the opposite approach.
I will tell you what will NOT happen in 2011.
To begin, I will start you out with a doosey that the non-math majors may need a little help in understanding.
n The Georgia Bulldogs football team will NOT win half as many games as the Georgia Southern team will claim on the gridiron. In simple terms, if GSU wins 10 games in 2011, UGA will win less than five games. Based on the directions each of these two programs are turning, GSU will win far more games than UGA next season The team from Statesboro has a majority of its players returning, while the squad from Athens will be vastly depleted, most notably NFL-destined A.J. Green, who caught passes, drove the team bus and spearheaded the landscaping of Sanford Stadium in his free time away from finding a cure for every ailment known to man, woman, child and a well-adjusted colony of wombats.
n Also in 2011, it will NOT snow and stick in Sylvania twice in the same year as it did in 2010. It may snow and stick once or maybe thrice, but not twice.
n We will NOT have a former Screven County High School STAR Student find two human-like skeletons that date back 2 million years ago. Rod Berger, a 1984 SCHS STAR and Georgia Southern 1989 grad, and an exploration team he led in South Africa found the two really, really old skeletons in 2010. 
n There will NOT be any bigger smiles than the ones you see on the mugs of the youth and supporters of Buddy Ball at the recreation department complex. Buddy Ball truly is a wonderful experience everybody can enjoy.
n An alleged thief will NOT drive his get-away lawnmower 17 miles as one culprit did in 2010, however, 18 miles with a garden tiller could occur in 2011.
n Members of our local law enforcement will NOT voluntarily allow themselves to be tased so they can truly understand the intense pain that goes along with a tasing. Sylvania police officers and Screven County deputies who had never carried tasers on patrol were tased during training classes in 2010. It isn’t an ordeal they wish to revisit.
n Sad to say, but we will NOT have another World War II veteran to graduate this go round with the SCHS Class of 2011. Mr. James Livingston, at the young age of 86, probably will be the only WWII vet ever to receive a high school diploma from SCHS. We all were so blessed to be in Kelly Memorial Stadium that last Friday evening in May to witness the graduation of the Class of 2010 and the special honor bestowed to Livingston.
n Your neighbors will NOT be able to handle an unexpected crisis for financial despair without your help. Please give to the United Way of Screven County at 205 Mims Road in Sylvania; or mail a check to United Way of Screven County, P.O. Box 27, Sylvania GA 30467. The office can be reached by telephone at 564-5770. Remember 99 percent of the donations stay in your community.
n We will NOT have 61 inducted on drug-related charges as part of one enormous “Operation Crackdown” in Screven County this year. We are in hopes that the drug dealer totals have diminished since that sweep in 2010, but in case another sweep of that magnitude does develop, may I suggest “Deportation of a Truckload.” A physical removal of drug dealers sounds good, but unfair to other communities. Since I am making suggestions, how about Antarctica? A few weeks there will change anybody’s attitude and make you really appreciate having countless layers of clothing.
n “Beau the Cat” will NOT become more internationally famous than Beau Bridges or those of a different spelling like Bo Derek, Bo Jackson, Bo Duke, Bo Diddley or Mr. Bojangles, but that feline is one county commissioner who has his paws on the pulse of this community.
n Speaking of the county, the commissioners will NOT have an illegal secret vote this year. Correct gentlemen?
n Anglers will NOT hook an 11-pound 3-ounce bass out of the lake at the Black Creek Reservation Boy Scout Camp in Screven County. One fish of that size came out of the 45-acre lake in June, but as of now the lake remains drained so the tree stumps can be removed from the lake’s bottom. No water means no fish.
n Our county needs to do something extra special for the new Michael Cutler carrot processing plant or we are NOT going to get as much interest in other industries seeking to locate in our county. How about some “Welcome to Screven County” banners that Mr. Cutler and motorists can easily see upon entrance into our county and also another banner in downtown Sylvania? Maybe a gala at the industrial park as the new plant prepares for its scheduled opening in February? Many of you already have shown that we really want this processing plant in our county and now we, as a community, can publicly show how much we care for the company, which, in turn, shows other plants how much we welcome new business and the expansion of existing ones.
n Brian Bohannon, after his BOE seat-winning margin of two votes, will be in his new spot on the school board Monday evening. Whether the board member Bohannon succeeded, Tom Avret, will attend as a member of the audience is possible, but what is certain is Avret will NOT remain in the audience if the meeting goes long. Avret, an Auburn alum, will be watching the 13-0 Tigers play the 12-0 Ducks of Oregon for the national football championship. No matter which team wins the title tilt, they will join Rose Bowl-winner TCU (13-0) as the only remaining undefeated teams. Ah yes, yet another flaw in the BCS system.
n In 2010, our community began the year with a release of a video that proclaimed bringing new business to Screven County. It ended with the county bringing in a new business with the potential of hiring 100 employees. In the 10 months in between that January and December, King America and Koyo increased their employee counts.
So what does 2011 hold for us? I am not exactly sure, but as coaching icon Erk Russell used to say, “If you work hard, good things will happen.” Coach Russell, who coined the “Do right” motto, knew how to reduce flaws.
Keep working hard Screven County so we have fewer NOTs in 2011 and instead LOTs more to broadcast to the world.

Enoch Autry is the publisher-editor of the Sylvania Telephone.